Who are you? Discover You

Thoughts are cluttered always in my mind. I do keep my brain idle, even when it is asleep. I taunt it crazy dreams, which I manifest in my heart or my brain.

Some days, I keep pondering about what am I? Who am I? What do I want in life? and much more .. as I said, my thoughts are always cluttered in my mind. I keep boggling it now and then.

I might do one thing today but may not want to do the same, the other day. Literally like a monkey mind, my mind jumps from one thought to the other, sometimes even my words find it hard to keep up with my speed of thinking. I keep making mistakes and mistakes all the time be it for profession writing or my ones. It is hard for me to concentrate.

My writing is never accepted at home or by anyone I love, they say it is not good or maybe my thoughts are much more rebellious as always, which is why I was never accepted from the very beginning of my life. I always had a different taste consider people or food or be it anything. It was hard for me to find fault with something that others considered a sin or simple as a ‘bad’.

My thinking was always adrift from any others in the family. The rebellious me reside in me and peeps out now and then. It never keeps anyone happy around me. But I chose to do it, as I can’t betray my inner self.

Moreover choosing me at times is important to show I love myself.

Sometimes we all are juggling between so many choices. Let’s say for example a book. In my home, as people are narrow-minded ( not to a greater extent, but yes limited), people think that reading such books like Fifty shades of grey and all is not civilized, so they all consider my writing to be a lil uncivilized or more like a barbarianism. I had tried my best to cope with it, but no response from my inner self, it told me you are cheating yourself. And it was much more hurting. Because I loved being loyal to my writings, else what’s the point in it.

Reading all kinds of books, writing what comes to my mind is what I like. If I keep a filter in it every time I do it, a piece of a particle of me is lost in something which I cannot regain.

I like being honest in my writing, the more I try to camouflage it with some restrictions, it is going to be fake even more. And the readers will never understand the true emotions in it.

Like writing, is my relationship with the people. The more I fake it, the more painful it is gonna be.

Most of the people around me, try to utilize me and my potential, and yes cant blame, its a human tendency. But again, when i am in a good mood, i don’t look into that part, but when I am blown apart, that’s when everything falls rightly into my mind and I feel like a fool being utilized.

Literally at home, I write hiding from others, because for them it’s me wasting time, and none realize how much it helped me. Few years, back I was battling with depression and as always, I regained my mind. Being experienced at falling into depression and then reviving from it. My life was never easy, though most of them never know.. Blame me for all the foolishness though( as per others).

Life is a hurdle, it gives you a multitude of options.

As you read across, this, you realise, today I am not so happy, because, I am scribbling everything that is coming up in my mind. These are my uncontrollable thoughts and it is a mess.

But again coming to the point, choosing what you always want to do keeps you happy and engaged. It gives your life a meaning, which no one can bring about.

I have seen many people not just ladies, but men too, stuck with things in life and unable to do things what they want. They not only lose what they passionate about but also a piece of themselves that they dearly posses.

Sometimes, take time out and then do what you like in your life. Do not waste it, else on your deathbed, you come to realise, you have done nothing for yourself.

Doing or pursuing what you like the most, is going to gift you, the unwrapped version of you. Trust ME ! you will.

Take the call, and feel it.

You might hurt many, but you are not hurting yourself and that is important.

Choose you sometimes.

A pinch of happiness to your soul can be given only by you.

All the best folks. !!!

How life in this pandemic changing me ?

Ever since 2020 began, life is not just going normal. We are trying to adapt to new things, something is changing but some remain the same.

Ever thought, that one single thing arrives and the whole world changes drastically. If you are looking into the negative sides you might still stumble upon a few more to think upon. But why go for negativity, when we have loads of positivity to search for.

The Beginning

I quite remember the early December in 2019 when in news they showed about corona virus and how people were suffering in China. At that moment like any other, I too thought it was fake or something, not gonna be arriving in India. But then to my shock, everything began to change tremendously. This deadly virus arrived in the city, it created panic and tension. I remember the very last day I was sending my daughters to school, with all those hand sanitizers and all… It is all like yesterday.

This virus, burst like hell and broke my lil one’s best graduation event too. I just hated those things. But what to do, have to live .. than be saddened upon these things.

Ever since March, we all were just indoors, not going anywhere but staying under the same roof for a longer and longer time. Sometimes, time begins to eat our patience, as we all are never being together in space like this. It was indeed difficult.

New habits, new things and much more.

I was scared that my kids are gonna be TV addicts and I am gonna be much more stout and plump that I wont be able to get out of that door. Panic dreams and scary dreams haunted me day and night.

Never knew we all could survive these 7 months like this and gonna survive much more…

The first few days went well.. but then work, household work, kids boredom everything began to eat my patience a lot. Moreover doing nothing, my weight also began to revolt. And over this, the news about the spread was much more frightening. All I could wonder was how people are so careless…

It is truly said that when you don’t feel good from within, the whole world outside you is also gonna tumble down.

Hence What I did was…

The very first thing I did was, completely take myself away from this news and media, which was anyways not doing them justice and creating panic more.

Once I did this, I was far away from collapsing.

The next thing I did was focus on myself… I started to work out, eat right and focus on being a healthy mind and body. In this venture, I included my kids too, started doing fun workouts with them, which in turn helped me and them and I got plenty of quality time with them, which I don’t say at all.

Decided to read more books, hence brought the same. Even indulged in making my kids find healthy reading habits too. Moreover, it helped my daughters to improve themselves in this period.

Vacation which prolonged a lot, we utilized teaching our mother tongue to my kids, which again came out well maybe not exemplary but yes Good for me.

We went for walks together, spend quality time playing together caroms, badminton, and much more… which was indeed fun. It kept my brain and heart happier. Even I got the opportunity to learn cycling and include it in my healthy regime to continue my journey to fitness dedicatedly.

The important thing we did was sticking to a routine, no matter its holiday or not, we ensured we get up early, finish everything on time and then sit to work or study or even for being free. This helped us in a great deal and saved much of my time.

So overall, this pandemic brought me so many things in surplus with my dear ones and that makes me happier. Although there are other things I miss, then we all are in a virtual world, things are turning well. At least we can work remotely, be in touch with friends who were long gone from our life for a while, learn new things and also be around our kids and watch them grow.

So If I put everything together:

  1. Self-love and self-motivation.
  2. Fix a routine.
  3. Be with family.
  4. Count your blessings
  5. Fix your time and schedule to ensure you get plenty of time free or to do what you love.
  6. Sleep well.. sleep enough not too much.
  7. Be happy.
  8. Take up a new hobby or get back to your favourite niche.
  9. Be healthy.
  10. Be positive.

It is rightly said,

Everything is a blessing in disguise

9/11 BBSR Infy Batch- etched in my memory

14 years ago, on this date, I joined Infosys.


It was indeed the day of rejoicing for me. Getting a job right after degree, that too in a reputed firm through campus selection. It was indeed a proud moment for me as well as my parents.
I still recollect those days, during my degree years in UC College Aluva, when came across the campus interview happening in Maharajas College, Ernakulam. I was so excited .. not about the interview, but because i could roam around with my friends. As I was never prepared for the test.
As usual after great planning, the next day morning, i set out to Ernakulam city. I and a few friends from my native locality also came along. We took the very first bus to the city and it was just the perfect dawn for me.
As we approached the college, where we were supposed to attend the exam, the excitement was at the top. When i reached there, as usual, I was the only one who came with nothing but a sample fresher resume which had nothing but my marks. That’s when I came to know, i needed two photos, and copies of my mark sheets etc.
As usual, it was only me, who didn’t have it. Thanks to my bestie’s dad, he came around with me everywhere, to find out a shop to take a xerox or can download and get a photo at least. Even though i couldn’t arrange anything, another group of my friends were in the negotiation part, and they successfully helped me write the test.
I went into the exam hall, started scribbling something, but all my attention was on the architecture of the building. I wrote something, and like all the time, I wanted to write and finish the exam first and get out. And I did so, every time.

Ernakulam Maharaja's College may lose prized economics honours - The Hindu


Then I began to roam around the college campus, admiring the long verandas and the glass windows. When the results came out, there were I guess 250 of them who got selected. At first, I didn’t know I got selected, then my friend said my name was on the list. Anyways the whole day’s wait didn’t go in vain.


I remember calling my dad and mom informing I got selected for the interview. Their joy knew no bound. Even i was equally thrilled and excited. Being a computer science graduate and getting a job interview call was no less for me.


Then days, passed, the interview date was scheduled and I successfully ventured it. My friend was waiting outside all along. And all I did was rejoice with my bestie.
When the joining dates were announced for me, I got the letter saying my joining date is 9/11/2006. A joyous moment it was when I received my letter from Infosys.


The Day – 9/11


I know most of the recall the date as the date when the twin towers were attacked. But for me, it was a beautiful day.


Myself mom and my uncle set out to Bhubaneshwar, Orissa just two days before joining. The city was quite new to me. The train was filled with majority students like me who were joining Infosys in my same batch.
On 9/11, my mom dropped me at the campus, it was so mesmerizing. A new city, new opportunity and new a beginning.
I was so thrilled.
When i entered the training room, there were many of them, I sat where I found space and waited for the session to begin.
I don’t recollect much of the training session, but I do remember the friends I made there. I never knew, I will meet such wonderful people there, who are indeed the best part of my life.
Those days were the best and every one of us there enjoyed it.
Some people wandered away, some stayed in my heart and some are still in my friend’s list.
We may not talk, or message or keep in touch, but each and everyone I met there made a mark in my life.
Thank you BBSR 9/11 Infy Batch.